From the bottom of the bottle,

Or rather, the martini/wine glass.

I can't help but be melancholy when I'm drunk. I can't. Really.

I shouldn't write when I'm feeling this way.
a. I'm far too honest.

b. well, really there is no b, but I'm not drunk enough right now to be able to articulate all of the emotions I'm feeling properly. It's weird, but I can only do that when I know for a fact that I won't be able to remember. It's weird. I know.

I can't stop coughing. It bothers me.

For a while at the party tonight, I was like, the only girl. To someone like me, it's actually a nice thing, because, on the whole, I'm not all that unattractive. I can accept that. To some degree I'm charming and actually not unappealing to look at.

It was fun until other people came.

And it's not like I don't love those other people, I do. But I was no longer the center of attention.

It sounds horrible, I know, but I can't help it.

How often am I of all people, the one person sought out?

Never.

If ever.

And for an hour they looked to me, and waited for my smile.

Touched my face and called me babydoll.

One guy even called me cute and put his arm around me.

It makes me feel pathetic to be so reliant on another person, specifically a guy, but I can't help it.

I know what she meant now when she said she liked him, and his girlfriend too.

They're both good people.

And if I've said this once, I've said it a million times before:

the only guys at all interested in me, are the ones already with someone else, and dedicated enough to that girl that I, as even a blip on their radar, won't matter (at least enough to steal them away).

The rest are interested in the girls who regardless of actual disposition are more physically attractive.
(I'm not saying that I think the girl that was there tonight that took away from me isn't a wonderful person, she is, but it's not always the case).

So much for thinking I'd get action tonight.

And I didn't get nearly enough alcohol to be this pensive.
I said that to Brad.

I made several martini's tonight.

They were delicious.

I had wine too.

And a shot with the guy who called me babydoll and said I was cute and liked my sweater.

The wine wasn't as good as I've had before, but maybe that's what's made me so sad and thoughtful.

It tends to do that to me.

It makes me think of that song by that guy Dino..

"When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine,

that's amore".

Except it's not.

Because it never is.

I've written a great deal tonight.
It's probably sad that the fact that I'll remember this tomorrow is disappointing to me.

:/