Random Thoughts from the Bed-Ridden

I didn't realize how expensive I was until I started keeping track of my expenses.

Maybe I'm just nominally expensive.

Maybe I'm not expensive at all, but just a human with needs and therefore I'm just aware of my needs now.

I realized that nearly all of my close/best friends have in one way or another screwed me over in some way. And not just like "oh well, they apologized, forgive forget it's fine" but like "wtf were you thinking leaving me out to dry like that?".

With my first bff: they told everyone how much I weighed. Everyone laughed. I cried. I was 8 afterall.

With my second: neither of us kept up with each other. She made fun of me for liking this boy whom I was practically in love with. I haven't spoken to her in months. It sucks.

With my third: first I fell in love with him, then he started dating someone who I had just become friends with. She never spoke to me again. He only calls when he's high or drunk; he never remembers the conversations the next day.

Third: she started dating someone who I didn't approve of, but more than that, she stopped seeing me altogether. As well as all of her other friends. ("Abandon", see entry "Still the Vent")

With other close friends:

1. She flipped shit when she realized that I wasn't able to see her short notice. Sometimes things don't work out. I do hope she forgives me, because I do love her and want to see her. But I felt like she was the one who was all of a sudden angry with me and I honestly didn't see the reasoning behind it.

2. She - and many others - made fun of me when at a party, some guy made-out with me. That was it. I mean, it happened twice, but he made-out with me and they continued to poke at me until I nearly burst into tears and told her not to touch me because I couldn't stand what she was doing to my friendship with him (we weren't that close to begin with, but we were more friends before than after the party).

I can only think of maybe 2 or 3 people that I've been really really close to in my life that I'm either still friends with, or I am the result of that frienships' demise.

It doesn't really seem fair that I can keep a close friend without something falling to pieces.

I just had this thought: but honestly, in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, when everyone is hating on Harry because they think he's the Heir of Slytherin, I do not think that that's what I'd be doing. Afterall, he's the one got the power to kill, why would you be mean to him and get on his bad side? I think it'd make most sense if people were all up in his grill trying to be friendly.

I had other thoughts, but now I've forgotten them.

The ill can say a lot in 20 minutes when they're sitting in a car by themselves.

And the ill can forget a lot too.