If Not Twitter

If I didn't have a twitter, I wouldn't have been able to relay all the events of this week.

7.4.10
Arrive in Florence. No one is about but Brody. We were bored. We had a water fight. He made lots of sexual references that, coming from Brody, I deemed kind of awkward. But it's not very important. Anyway, we watched a few fireworks, and I slept in Carrie's room, that was essentially my evening. Nothing to really write home about.

7.5.10
I went to Francis Marion with Brody for lack of anything better to do. I played piano. I visited the housing office. I read some of "A Prayer for Owen Meany". I don't know how much I like John Irving by the way. As I was sitting in the LSF building, I was right behind the soda machine for a while, and was thinking, how strange it is, that someone getting a soda, could be the person who in 2 or 3 years' time, is asking me out on a date, or even crazier, to get married. It just crossed my mind that life seems to be a lot about Chance. That you never know who you could have already crossed paths with and who just might be a big part of your life, when only a week ago, they walked past you and you didn't even notice. Then I also so PH. Shocking enough. Further impressing upon me that life seems to be Chance more than choice.
I went swimming with Liz later that evening and had dinner with her family. They had a fun little family rave, and I got to see Tom a bit more. Apparently he's going to FMU next year, which should be fun because I'll see him more and he'll also probably be at the apartment a lot. Lol. He seems like a sweet kid :)
Later that night, I decided that I would stay at Megan's. Carrie had smoked some before we drove over and was wigging out because when we stopped at the gas station, I noticed that the clock there said that it was July 5, 1989. Which I pointed out to her. She freaked, thinking that maybe, just maybe, we had burst through a hole in the space time continuum and what would we do if we had traveled back in time? Our families would be elsewhere, our friends wouldn't be anywhere near, we had strange cell-phones, and a later model of car. We would be outsiders with no money and few means. It sufficiently scared her, and almost drew me in... but it was funny :)
That night was the first night that Josh Carrie and I slept in the water bed. We all cuddled really close, and were warm and cozy. Haha. Very snuggily. lol.

7.6.10
We also went to FMU on Tuesday, and hung out with Megan some. PH was there, and I convinced Carrie to swim with us, somehow. Sometimes my luck is purely... fantastic. We swam for like, 30 minutes then had to get out. PH came over to the house and hung out for apparently a long time. I don't remember a period of separation. We cuddle in the house with everyone. Then when they left, we talked. I explained everything that he didn't understand about what had happened. And when he discovered everything, he felt he had to leave, but Carrie came back, and I wanted to be up there with her, and so did he, so he stayed. But I remember they left again later, and things were still awkward. So we were separate for a while. I guess he felt bad, and I can understand. It was just difficult. We went to Taco Bell later, and things were no less estranged. I drank later that night. He did not. I barely remember him leaving. I just remember being sad.

7.7.10
Mom and Dad had to come fix my tire. That was so terribly awkward. My friends had all gone, except for Brody while they were fixing the tire. They returned the last 10 minutes of the tire changing. I was so worried my parents knew they were high. Petrified even. It's all I could think about. For nearly 24 hours. Slept with Carrie and Josh again.

7.8.10
We got crunk, and then drove. For ever it seemed. We were so bored. We didn't know what else to do. So we just drove. There was a 2 or 3 hour break in between the drive, but we didn't notice it. Well, I didn't notice it anyway. It felt like we were in the car all the day long. We went to Timmonsville, unexpectedly. That's what happens when you just drive with no notion of where you're going. Just following your feet. Although, I sincerely hope that if I'm just following my feet someplace, that I end up somewhere much more interesting than the run-down glory that is Timmonsville. As we drove, at one point we sang along to Eleanor Rigby. I was kind of surprised to find us all singing along, but we were. The only one we all sang to... Then we came back. For a while, Josh and I were the only ones in bed because Carrie was reading. We had fallen asleep with our arms around each other by the time Carrie came in. She said the next morning that he had been making funny noises in the night.. lol. We slept the three of us together in bed for the last night.

7.9.10
I tried to leave early, but none of the 3 of us wanted to get out of bed. haha. We were all awake at 7:30, but it was raining, so we all went back to bed. A few hours later, we all were awake again, but didn't feel like moving still, so we talked for a half hour or so about all sorts of things, but eventually fell asleep again. This happened 2 or 3 times, until we finally decided around 11 that we ought to get up :) We didn't do much. Just spent more time together. I tried to leave early, but I forgot things and had to backtrack. Carrie finally left, and I left Josh at the house. It was so strange to leave. I gave them all hugs and we parted ways. I stopped by Starbucks, and talked to Joseph and August. I was surprised at Joseph yet again. It's odd to think that not too long ago, I saw him pretty frequently, and talked to him pretty often as well. He still seems to like me well enough though, and we talked for a bit. Actually, like half an hour. Just about things that had been going on in our lives. Pretty superficially, but nonetheless, he and I can talk a bit. Then I left to try and meet up with Matthew and Melanie. We met at Red Lobster, and although I only meant to stay until their meal came, I was there for the whole thing. Which was fine actually, because 1. I missed Matthew terribly. I feel like I hadn't seen him since May or early early June. 2. They always eat well.. lol. Point being, I meant to leave Florence by 5:30 at the latest, and didn't end up leaving until closer to 7:40... But I made it back to Charleston in an hour and a half, like a Champ!

I'm very tired, but so so glad I went and saw Carrie and Josh and Megan and Liz and Brody and all of the others.
I feel like I'm going to be very close to a different group of people this semester. And I like that :) It's good to make friends.
And hopefully, I'll get the job at Starbucks that I applied for today! Fingers crossed and let's hope that my luck is lasting :/

5.20-5.24

5.20
Started the day of the trip by spending the most marvelous time with dear friend Zach, whom I hadn't seen in nearly a year, and the daring, darling Soleil whom I also love and hadn't seen in what felt almost as long as I'd seen Zachary.
We watched The Last Unicorn. Which I hadn't seen in at least 10 years or more. Morgan and I used to borrow it from the local library and we both loved it immensely.
I dyed my hair. It's darker brown. I like it a lot. And the people who noticed at all like it too.
I left for Florence. I saw my Starbucks friends. Some of them anyway. I saw Mels. And Kadi. And Jordan New. And August Langley. And met Adam Sims and Grayson Hiatt. I don't remember what else. Mels cooked dinner. For some reason it seemed out of character but it was delicious. Mad props to her.

5.21
Stayed inside all day. Everyone was busy. Mels was working. I was lonely. And read In Cold Blood. Dinner the next night was also made by Melissa and equally delicious. Hung out with August, Jordan, Kadi, Adam and Grayson again. For whatever reason, the sillies were intent on hooking up Grayson and I because we 'look alike'. Psh. As if that's reason enough to date someone.. No thanks. I'm sure he's probably a great kid, but no thanks. I'm not interested no matter how many times you ask. It made Kadi and me laugh a great deal, which was fun. Probably the most laughs she and I have ever shared. She seemed to like me very much, which is still somewhat new to me.

5.22
First day at The House. Accidentally woke up Josh, who answered the door only half-dressed seeing as he was sleeping when I knocked on the door. Brody and I played the keyboard. That was fun. And ended up waking Carrie which made me happy because I had missed her very much. We all had a laugh. And then soon the whole house was up. I don't think we did much that day. Everyone was wandering about in anticipation since that night several of them were barhopping. Carrie and I stayed behind with Brody. And Chris and Rosa. Everyone else left as I recall. Nick called. He mentioned how depressed he was. I didn't realize till he called and mentioned how bad off he'd been. It was terrible to hear how bad it sounded and I felt bad that I couldn't do anything about it.
Carrie and I made delicious real pie which everyone very much enjoyed (before they left for the bars). REAL PIE. N-N-N-N-NOT the FAKE pie.
Carrie and I did things of a slightly illegal nature. We had lots and lots of fun for a while. Watched Sailor Moon. Went outside and enjoyed nature. We had a perfect moment. One of those few which can be replicated. Life, for a little while, was perfect. There was nothing wrong with it. Everything was whole and pure and full of only good. It was one of the greatest moments I've ever experienced in a drive-way at midnight. Then I over-did myself. I went to far and started to get sick. Not before making an ass of myself. I called Sabastian and Nick. I don't remember those phone calls. I don't know what I said. Apparently it was all very funny. I remember images. I remember being sick. Very sick. So sick it felt like all of my insides were scrambling to get out of me. They were doing a bang up job. I laid on the ground for what felt like minutes in recall but was more like hours. Emptying the contents of my intestines. I cried. I remember crying, probably in pain, I don't know why to be sure. I just remember feeling awful. My whole body wracked in agony. I remember clutching a toilet bowl for dear life, feeling as though I'd fall off the face of the earth if I didn't grip it as tightly as my aching muscles would allow. I remember people standing over me, with so many different looks on each face. Some pity, some knowingly, others in determination to get me to stop being sick. Not one face was able. Eventually a friend helped me to bed, where he held back my hair as I continued to dry-heave and rub my back till I fell asleep. Sometime around 5 am.

5.23
The next morning wasn't nearly as equally dreadful. I didn't remember much of the night before. I wasn't even sick. I went to church. Mels made fun of me for being ill. Which didn't help the illness. I got baptized while Mel and Jordan made bets on when I would spew. It was the first time I'd ever been baptized. It felt like the right time. Except for the whole being sick the night before thing. Which I acknowledge isn't good. But I got baptized and that is no small feat in and of itself as I had been waiting on the edge for years, wondering when I would meet that steep-edge running. And I finally did. And I will always remember.
Carrie and I danced in the rain. It was another excellent moment. I wore the same shirt I got baptized in, and it felt almost like a second baptism. The whole day seemed a clear blue. Not that the sky was blue, it was gray, but everything seemed clean and beautiful. And it probably was.
I also found out how much of an idiot I made of myself the night before. Telling people things that maybe they ought not to have known at all. I was so ashamed. Carrie thought it was funny, and I know in retrospect, the moment will likely exponentially multiply in hilarity. At the time, all I could do was blush in shame.
We didn't do much that night. I think I slept most of the day away. I was so tired from the night before. I made brownies from scratch that everyone loved.

5.24
I got up and made omelets for everyone who wanted one. I didn't. I still couldn't eat. Said goodbye to the people who had played host the two nights before. I went to lunch with Carrie and Josh. Where I didn't eat. But we referenced my coming and visiting again very very soon. Carrie referenced how I'd made a fool of myself, but I didn't mind. We'd made a really awesome connection. And I feel like no matter what, we'll always have an understanding. She's a very interesting person. And in some ways, so like me. We made jokes in front of Josh, and he mentioned how excited he was for his birthday. When we got back, they tried to kidnap me so I'd stay, but eventually I did have to leave. We were all very sad. And I hope to be back soon.
I went to Starbucks to say my last goodbyes.
I went home.


And was lonely.

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There's so much to say. It's too late to write it all, and I'm tired, and for some reason I think I may have to work in the morning.. but perhaps not.
I don't know. If I get a call I'll be there. Otherwise, nuh uh.
I'll have to take a big chunk of time out to tell the tales of this weekend.. for they are many.
Interesting and just...
Lessons. All of them.

From the bottom of the bottle,

Or rather, the martini/wine glass.

I can't help but be melancholy when I'm drunk. I can't. Really.

I shouldn't write when I'm feeling this way.
a. I'm far too honest.

b. well, really there is no b, but I'm not drunk enough right now to be able to articulate all of the emotions I'm feeling properly. It's weird, but I can only do that when I know for a fact that I won't be able to remember. It's weird. I know.

I can't stop coughing. It bothers me.

For a while at the party tonight, I was like, the only girl. To someone like me, it's actually a nice thing, because, on the whole, I'm not all that unattractive. I can accept that. To some degree I'm charming and actually not unappealing to look at.

It was fun until other people came.

And it's not like I don't love those other people, I do. But I was no longer the center of attention.

It sounds horrible, I know, but I can't help it.

How often am I of all people, the one person sought out?

Never.

If ever.

And for an hour they looked to me, and waited for my smile.

Touched my face and called me babydoll.

One guy even called me cute and put his arm around me.

It makes me feel pathetic to be so reliant on another person, specifically a guy, but I can't help it.

I know what she meant now when she said she liked him, and his girlfriend too.

They're both good people.

And if I've said this once, I've said it a million times before:

the only guys at all interested in me, are the ones already with someone else, and dedicated enough to that girl that I, as even a blip on their radar, won't matter (at least enough to steal them away).

The rest are interested in the girls who regardless of actual disposition are more physically attractive.
(I'm not saying that I think the girl that was there tonight that took away from me isn't a wonderful person, she is, but it's not always the case).

So much for thinking I'd get action tonight.

And I didn't get nearly enough alcohol to be this pensive.
I said that to Brad.

I made several martini's tonight.

They were delicious.

I had wine too.

And a shot with the guy who called me babydoll and said I was cute and liked my sweater.

The wine wasn't as good as I've had before, but maybe that's what's made me so sad and thoughtful.

It tends to do that to me.

It makes me think of that song by that guy Dino..

"When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine,

that's amore".

Except it's not.

Because it never is.

I've written a great deal tonight.
It's probably sad that the fact that I'll remember this tomorrow is disappointing to me.

:/